Greetings Beautiful People

I would like to welcome you to join me as I travel down my road to freedom. If you have ever dealt with shame, unforgiveness, bitterness, fear, anger and rage, (just to name a few) feel free to join me in my journey.

~Peace and Blessings~

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Love Never Fails

So, I decided to write a blog on my marriage of five years.    The reason I have chosen to blog about this topic is because during that time I experienced a significant amount of marital and personal growth.  As some of you may have noticed via facebook and/or twitter, my husband and I celebrated five years of marriage on July 15, 2011.  My husband and I got married at the age of 25 years old.  Since then a lot has transpired.  We have worked through a lot of challenging times and rejoiced in the good.  I can honestly say that despite the challenging moments in our marriage we have still experienced great love and growth with one another. 

As a woman that was raised by a single mother, I was not afforded the opportunity to see a marriage relationship in the home setting.  Now, I am not saying that in order for a marriage to work you must have grown up in a home where there was a functioning marriage, but I do feel that it helps.  When I got married, we experienced a long honeymoon stage, but then reality set in and the real work began.  I am not only talking about the expected role of a wife (cooking, cleaning, etc.), but the ability to show and give love both during the good and bad times.  I think my biggest challenge was showing affection towards my husband in general, but even more so of a challenge when the situation was not as pleasant.  At first, I could not figure out why I had such a challenge with this, but then God started to reveal to me that the women who had a hand in raising me very seldom showed any affection towards their mates.  I did not realize how much that affected me until I began my marriage and was not capable of showing the affection that my husband longed for.  Don't get me wrong, I was no hard knock, but it was a challenge.  In addition, I had challenges submitting and receiving direction from my husband, again another trait learned inadvertantly while growing up around strong-willed women that never depended on any man to get things done for them.  Please don't misunderstand what I am saying; being independent as a woman is awesome, but when God has blessed you with an amazing man of God that is willing to do for you and show you the love and respect that you deserve, you should no longer have that "independent woman" mentality as I had going into my marriage.

God used my Pastor and other spiritual women to help mold and shape me into the virtuous woman God called me to be both personally and as a wife.  I also stood on several scriptural readings to help me overcome some of the things that I was taught in my childhood.  One passage in particular that I continue to stand on is the one my husband and I stood on during our courtship into our marriage and that is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, "Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres. Love never fails." This scripture ministered to me so much because it gave me the ability to be selfless, and when I started exercising that ability, the oneness between my husband and I increased. 

Now that it has been five years since we said, "I Do," I can honestly say that I am a totally different woman. One that knows how to show her husband affection both in private and in public. I have also gotten a lot better in allowing my husband to lead and direct our family as the head of the household. The love and bond that my husband and I share is unbreakable by any man because our union was and still is ordained by God. I really thank God for my husband as he has helped me to grow and develop spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. My husband is truly the wind beneath my wings and I look forward to spending eternity with him.  Below are different pictures of us over the past 5 years of our marriage :o).

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Stronghold of Fear

For so long, I struggled with fear in so many different areas of my life, that it had become a natural part of me.  At first it started with being afraid of sleeping in complete darkness, then it escalated to fear of speaking in front of crowds of people, and then fear of losing certain loved ones in my life.  Fear had gripped me to the point where any time I would have job interviews, especially for positions that I really desired, I would panic and become so fearful that I would get tongue tied, as if I did not prepare for the interview.  Over time it became so bad that I stopped applying for positions that I felt would consist of intimidating interviews.  In addition, fear began to hinder the plan and purpose God intended for me to walk, as I would even allow the enemy to stop me from testifying to the goodness and mercy of God.  The enemy would always play on my thoughts making me believe that I would sound dumb or stupid if I got up to give thanks and praise God for His many blessings.  Thank God He is!!!  Fear has been such a major stronghold in my life for so long, but finally I am tired of being tired of living my life through fear. 

During the entire month of June, I felt led to participate with some other women of God in a spiritual fast, where the purpose was to pray and fast for children, marriages, and families.  Each day we prayed for specific things but God also spoke through others in addressing certain struggles and challenges that some of us may or may not have been experiencing at some point in our life time. For me, God had been showing and revealing to me a lot of dark and not so attractive areas in my life.  At first when God began to show me things that he wanted cleaned up in my life, it became overwhelming because it seemed like alot to take in all at once.  However, one that was revealed was this very area of Fear!!!

When God first brought it to my attention, of course my first instinct was to ignore what He was trying to show me.  I don't think I felt as if I were ready to fight and stand up to the enemy when it came to this area of my life, as it had been a part of me for so long.  Nevertheless, as I allowed God to begin walking me through the process, he gave me a song that is sung by Juanita Bynum, called "Psalms 23." This passage had never really spoke to me in the manner that it did as I listened to Juanita Bynum minister this song.  It was like every word was annointed and every ounce of fear that I felt at that moment had no choice but to flee.  So now, as God continues to walk me into complete healing and freedom in this area, every time I sense fear even trying to come over me, I listen to the song. 

I refuse to allow the enemy to keep me from walking into my full purpose in God and I encourage you to do the same.  Below is the youtube video of, "Psalms 23" by: Juanita Bynum.  Listen to the words and allow it to get deep down in your soul.

Be Encouraged!!!

Celebrating My Natural Freedom

I know I have not written anything in awhile, but over the past month I have been allowing God to reveal, restore, and transition me into the woman He purposed me to be.  With that being said, I recently celebrated my one year naturalversary and wanted to share my natural story with you.
On July 7, 2010 I decided to take the road less traveled and go completely natural.  Prior to that decision, I had been transitioning for about 6 months.  I believe the seed was planted in me back in 2009 when I became pregnant with my son and I made up in my mind that I wanted to offer him a chemical (Perm) free body to reside in for the 9 months he spent growing in my belly.  During that time I wore my hair in braids.  The braids were cool, as it allowed me the freedom to get up and go.  However, once my son was born, I was over the braids and wanted to wear my real hair out.  Once I took my braids out, my desire to continue on with the natural process had weakened, as I thought I was related to "Don King" when all my braids were completely out of my head.  Immediately I scheduled an appointment to have my hair permed the  After receiving the perm I kind of felt bad about my decision, so I went home and began my natural hair search of different styles and products via youtube.  I don't know if it was the hair styles or the actual products that sparked yet another flame in me of wanting to go natural, but from that moment on I was determined to go through with the process.

So, as I mentioned previously, I transitioned for 6 months and then I met my natural stylist, Karen Wilson through a friend, and scheduled a hair appointment.  The appointment was awesome, as she treated my then two textured hair and was about to style my hair before I said, "How do you think my hair would look if it was fully natural in a coil out?"  She assured me that it would look fine, as we looked through pictures she had posted on facebook during her natural hair journey.  Karen continued to educate me on the ends and outs of natural hair while I pondered over the decision to do the "Big Chop."  After a couple of hours of hair consulting  and a shampoo and deep conditioning  treatment later, I decided to go through with my decision.  Karen hurried to get the proper scissors to began the chopping process....I don't know who was more excited her or I, but my chop/style turned out perfect. 

Now, I am not going to lie, once I looked in the mirror at the finished product I instantly thought I had made the wrong decision.  I texted my husband a picture, in hopes that he'd validate my decision of chopping all of my hair off, and of course he did, but because I know him so well, I knew that he was not completely sold.  Nevertheless, once I arrived home, he said, "I like your hair, it looks better in person."  What a relief for me, even though he knew I was going to cut all my hair off, I just was concerned about what he thought of it.  From that moment on, my husband has been one of my BIGGEST fans during my natural journey.

 As I continued on with my natural journey, it became more than just a hair journey for me, it turned into more of a spiritual journey as I began to experience the compliments and criticisms of my decision to go natural.  There were people who said, "oh, you look great and you wear your natural hair well", but then there were also people who said, "your straight hair is more becoming on you."  Now, because I really don't consider myself one to struggle greatly with low self-esteem, it was not much of a problem, but over time it started to cause some insecurity issues.  However, it was at that moment that God began to minister to me in saying that taking the road less traveled is not always the easiest thing to do, just like making the decision to follow Him is a path less followed, but its the road that is BEST.  As God continued to speak to me, the less I cared about the negative things people had to say.  It built a confidence in me that was unbreakable.  It was also so awesome to see that the less I cared about the negative, the more I received compliments about my hair and my decision to go natural.  In addition, it drew me closer to God and allowed Him to began the process of making me whole again.  Going natural was one of the best decisions that I could have made, as I have never felt more beautiful, free, and liberated in my life.  Enjoy some pics of my natural journey below :o)!