Greetings Beautiful People

I would like to welcome you to join me as I travel down my road to freedom. If you have ever dealt with shame, unforgiveness, bitterness, fear, anger and rage, (just to name a few) feel free to join me in my journey.

~Peace and Blessings~

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Low Down Dirty Shame

From the age of five to the age of fourteen, I lived in what society considers the "projects."  My experience of living and growing up in the projects was not physically bad, but on the inside I was being tormented with shame.  I often wished that my family and I lived in a better part of town.  My desire to live in a better neighborhood stemmed from me attending schools and having friends that lived in what I considered to be lavish homes when compared to where I lived.  As I got older, it seemed as if the shame grew stronger and bigger.  There was a time when one of my friends invited me to spend the night at her home, and though I was very excited and thrilled for the invite, a large part of me felt a sense of shame.  All I could think was, if I accepted her invitation, she would find out where I lived, and she would no longer want to be my friend because of my neighborhood.  I guess my real issue was that I felt that I would be judged based on where I lived and not for the person that I was.  In addition, when random people would ask me where I was from, I would either tell them the neighborhood in which my grandmother lived or I would give the name of the area in which I lived, but never would I say the actual name of the housing projects.  The shame became so intense that when my little sister would proudly tell people where we grew up, I would instantly get upset and angry with her; I would tell her that she needed to stop running her mouth so much.  My sister would, in turn, get upset with me because she never knew that it was my own shame and insecurities that kept me from sharing with others the place in which we grew up. 

I continued to struggle with this shame for many years of my life.  It wasn't until I watched "Akeelah and the Bee" that God began to help me to see the neighborhood in which I grew up as a contribution to the woman I am today.  God allowed me to see my childhood shame of my neighborhood as strength and determination to strive for better things in life.  I no longer viewed my neighborhood as a place of pity and shame, but as a place that allowed me to gain characteristics of resiliency, strong willpower, persistence, and perserverence.  The shame that I endured was no longer a stronghold, but a stepping stone towards my future success.  So I say to you, look shame in the face and tell it that it has no place in your life, because the scripture says in Romans 8:28, that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Although we may not see that purpose through a shroud of shame, we must continue to look to Him and allow His love to penetrate so that we can walk in total freedom.

~Peace and Blessings~ 

Friday, May 27, 2011

The Road to Complete Freedom from Unforgiveness

Forgiveness for me has not been the easiest thing to do.  In fact, I think it has been the most difficult thing for me to do yet.  Over the past five years, it seems like I have struggled forgiving those that would be considered most close to me.  In my experience, I would call myself forgiving the person only to relive the situation over again by slandering the person or simply telling someone else how that person hurt me.  In Ephesians 4:31-32 it reads, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." "Ha, yeah right" is what I was thinking when I first read this. I began whinning to God telling him how the person or persons had hurt me. I also began to question God. "Why do I have to continue forgiving them, but yet they continue to hurt me time and time again?  Why do I have to walk in love but yet continue to be rejected and unaccepted?  How come I have to be the BIGGER person?" I continued asking God these questions for 5 years.

Eventually, I got tired and it wasn't until a month ago that I began to hear the voice of God tell me steps to take to start on my journey to complete freedom from unforgiveness. He instructed me to get this book called, "The Power of Forgiveness: Keep Your Heart Free," by Joyce Meyer.  When I started to read the book I thought, "How will this help me and my situation?", as the book didn't start off quite like I expected it to.  However, I continued reading and following the scriptures that went along with each passage/chapter.  Then I was faced with a situation (test) that gave me the opportunity to either walk in forgiveness or remain in the bondage I lived in for 5 years.  Can we say I went with the ladder, and that was an EPIC FAIL!  A part of me felt like I handled the situation in an appropriate manner but my spirit man told me that I did not.  So needless to say, I was back in God's face yet again about my difficulty to overcome unforgiveness.  "Lord, what's wrong with me.....why am I so easily offended? Why can't I just let things roll off my back? Why? Why?! Why?!!"

It wasn't until Wednesday, May 25, 2011 that I received an answer via the last Oprah Winfrey Show. It was as if God was speaking through her directly to me, saying that for all these years I wanted to be VALIDATED! I wanted to know that I was being heard and accepted, said the Lord.  After hearing that I was speechless because all I could think was for all these years all I wanted was validation. Huh? So God, after five years of bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, and malice, all I wanted was validation.  Can we say confused.com?!?!  However, after giving it some serious thought I can honestly say to be validated was the absolute reason why I could not seem to overcome unforgiveness, because in my mind every encounter I had with those that tried to hurt me never made me feel like I was accepted or even understood, but more like a stranger that they wanted no part of. I am still a work in progress to walking completely free from unforgiveness but at least now I know why I struggled with it so much! God has also given me a few scriptures to stand on, but the one I will leave with you is found in Ephesians 6:14-15 that reads, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Be Encouraged :0)

Yesterday's Girl, Today's Woman

Have you ever set back and asked yourself, why do I continue going through the same trials and tribulations over and over again? This has been a question I often ask myself on a daily basis.  I asked God, why do I continue committing the same offenses against you time after time?  God's response has always been, "because you continue to try and do things in your own strength and not mines." Recently, I have started to experience true victory because I finally began to allow God to walk me through some of the most difficult moments in my life.  As I continue on this path to freedom, I will be sharing with you the real Samarra Rogers. 

I believe that God has placed it upon my heart to start a blog, not just for my healing and restoration, but for someone else as well.  When the thought of writing a blog was dropped in my spirit, I immediately tried to dismiss it because I do not like writing and I do not like opening up and feeling vulnerable.  However, when the spirit of God speaks I must act and obey.  So here I am......

Initially, I was going to title my blog, "My Personal Journey to Total Freedom/Deliverance from Unforgiveness," but as I continued to seek God on whether or not this was something He really wanted me to do I felt that it should be called, "My Walk To Freedom."  The title will reflect not only my freedom from unforgiveness, but also other areas in my life that I have struggled or continue to struggle with.  I can tell that I have grown in my walk with Christ because never would I have thought I would be sitting on my couch blogging about things that I don't just share with any and everybody. Over the next few months to a year, I will be sharing with you my struggles, trials, tribulations, and most importantly, the process God is taking me through to experience total FREEDOM and VICTORY.  Well that explains my first blog title...Yesterday's Girl, Today's Woman....because only a woman could open up to the world and expose herself so that the next girl could receive total HEALING and VICTORY in her life!