Forgiveness for me has not been the easiest thing to do. In fact, I think it has been the most difficult thing for me to do yet. Over the past five years, it seems like I have struggled forgiving those that would be considered most close to me. In my experience, I would call myself forgiving the person only to relive the situation over again by slandering the person or simply telling someone else how that person hurt me. In Ephesians 4:31-32 it reads, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." "Ha, yeah right" is what I was thinking when I first read this. I began whinning to God telling him how the person or persons had hurt me. I also began to question God. "Why do I have to continue forgiving them, but yet they continue to hurt me time and time again? Why do I have to walk in love but yet continue to be rejected and unaccepted? How come I have to be the BIGGER person?" I continued asking God these questions for 5 years.
Eventually, I got tired and it wasn't until a month ago that I began to hear the voice of God tell me steps to take to start on my journey to complete freedom from unforgiveness. He instructed me to get this book called, "The Power of Forgiveness: Keep Your Heart Free," by Joyce Meyer. When I started to read the book I thought, "How will this help me and my situation?", as the book didn't start off quite like I expected it to. However, I continued reading and following the scriptures that went along with each passage/chapter. Then I was faced with a situation (test) that gave me the opportunity to either walk in forgiveness or remain in the bondage I lived in for 5 years. Can we say I went with the ladder, and that was an EPIC FAIL! A part of me felt like I handled the situation in an appropriate manner but my spirit man told me that I did not. So needless to say, I was back in God's face yet again about my difficulty to overcome unforgiveness. "Lord, what's wrong with me.....why am I so easily offended? Why can't I just let things roll off my back? Why? Why?! Why?!!"
It wasn't until Wednesday, May 25, 2011 that I received an answer via the last Oprah Winfrey Show. It was as if God was speaking through her directly to me, saying that for all these years I wanted to be VALIDATED! I wanted to know that I was being heard and accepted, said the Lord. After hearing that I was speechless because all I could think was for all these years all I wanted was validation. Huh? So God, after five years of bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, and malice, all I wanted was validation. Can we say confused.com?!?! However, after giving it some serious thought I can honestly say to be validated was the absolute reason why I could not seem to overcome unforgiveness, because in my mind every encounter I had with those that tried to hurt me never made me feel like I was accepted or even understood, but more like a stranger that they wanted no part of. I am still a work in progress to walking completely free from unforgiveness but at least now I know why I struggled with it so much! God has also given me a few scriptures to stand on, but the one I will leave with you is found in Ephesians 6:14-15 that reads, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Be Encouraged :0)