Skip to main content

Bound by Shame: My Unborn Child

During my undergraduate career, I found myself at a backslidden state in my faith walk.  It was my first time out on my own without the supervision of my mother and I allowed the freedom to get the best of me.  I allowed myself to get caught up in the lies of guys and fall into sexual sin. Though I had morals and respect for myself by not sleeping with a lot of different guys, I still fell into the trap of the enemy.  After my first year of college, I got involved with a guy that I was dating off and on for about two years.  We engaged in sexual sin and I ended up pregnant.  When I first learned that I was pregnant, I was about 6 weeks along and there was no doubt in my mind that I would be getting an abortion.  In my opinion, neither of us could afford to bear a child.  Furthermore, as sad as it may sound, I had no sense of feeling or emotion about the abortion at the time; all I knew was that I was not going through with having a child and bringing shame upon myself and my family.  I could not bring myself to even think of being something that I promised my mother, myself, and God that I would never become. 

I remember going to the abortion clinic and seeing all of the other young girls with their mothers waiting to have the procedure.  The place was gloomy and depressing.  However, none of those things seemed to have mattered to me at the time. My mind was made up; when it was time for me to begin the procedure, I didn’t want to go through with the counseling process that they take you through to let you know the ends and outs of the procedure and to also give you an opportunity to decide against it. It was as if something had come over me and I had no remorse for my actions at the time.  For years I have lived with this and it was not until recently that God began to tell me that it was time to expose the enemy so that I may be set free from the bondage of shame.  When God placed it upon my heart to share my testimony, immediately fear gripped me and had me wondering what would people say or think about me after I disclosed such a dark time in my life where the shame that I felt was at its worse.  How could I ever look my mother or even my sister in the face to tell them such a thing?  Lord, please help me! I can't go through with this......

Well, it wasn’t until Friday, June 3, 2011 during my husband’s and my devotional hour, where God spoke to me from Matthew 10:26-31 that read, “So do not be afraid of them.  There is nothing con-cealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.  What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.  Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.  Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.  Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don’t be
afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” 

Even after reading and understanding what God was saying to me in this passage, I continued to go back in forth in my mind as to whether or not this was something I wanted to share with the world due to the stronghold of shame.  However, this morning during my prayer time with some other sisters in Christ, God spoke through one of the prayer facilitators on the topic of abortion and how the women of the African-American community make up a large percentage of the abortion rate, even though we only make up about 13% of the U.S. population.  Furthermore, she explained that when you have or experience an abortion you enter into a “death right,” which is something that we don’t know when considering or even going through with an abortion because the enemy brings about a spirit of deception during that time. It can cause death in your finances, emotions, and can sometimes cause you to be barren when trying to conceive a child. 

Even though you may have experienced an abortion at some point in your life, you have the opportunity to repent and renounce the spirit of death from having an abortion, as I did, and speak life and fruitfulness to your finances, emotions, wounds, marriage, and family.  Today was the day that I walked in complete freedom from shame and allowed God to take complete control over that area of my life.  I encourage you to do the same.    


  1. Hey followers!! Where I briefly talk about the "death right," it should read "death decree." Sorry for typo.

  2. I'm very proud of you, Samarra, for having the courage to speak...I can only imagine your struggle between telling or not, but I hope it helps someone who reads this!


  3. Wow Sam! Your willingness to share and be obedient to God will cause you to grow beyond your dreams. God is truly using to serve others and thereby heal others through this ministry...I look forward to continuing to get to know the real 'you' -- Karen

  4. WOW!!!!! I "HONOR" you for your transparency actions. By freeing yourself, you will now aid in the process of freeing others......congrats to living your life on purpose sis!!


  5. You are a remarkable woman!!! Continue to allow God to use you!!!
    ~Renee Clements~

  6. Thank you so much ladies for the continued support!!!!

  7. all i can say is wow cousin ...I am so proud of you and your courage and ability to share your *walk to freedom* i have enjoyed reading and relating to some of things you are sharing...let your freedom be OUR freedom, THEIR freedom, EVERYONE freedom,,,May GOD continue to use you

    Thalia (TEE)....

  8. Samarra I'm very proud of you for what your doing. I know that it was God who told you to do this. I love you so much. Continue to stay faithful to the Lord. Many will be heal from your testimonies.

    Love Mommie

  9. Thanks so much mommie! This means so much coming from you :o)!
    I love you so much and thank you for your understanding.

  10. Samarra, I am so proud of are such an inspiration to young women, and all women in general! You will continue to be better than blessed, and I am happy to call you "lil' sis"
    Donna B.

  11. awesome.we are in the same prayer group and your testimony is awesome.I had an abortion when married and it ended my marriage,finances,everything died.I went through a post abortion programme in my church God gave me a new lease of life.I have never been able to share this on my wall but i have done a couple of radio shows.Thanks so much your post has blessed me.

  12. Thanks so much Ivy! I am so glad my testimony blessed encouraged :o)


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Staying Committed with No Strings Attached

It has been almost four years since my last post.  I know, shame on me.  However, this year I am making a commitment to be consistent with blogging, as I believe the Lord wants me to use this as an avenue to encourage people through my life experiences. So, I vow to stay and trust the process through this blog, as God leads me.  You guys can also hold me accountable, especially if it has been over a month since you have read a post. So, with that being said, I felt lead to blog on this topic because it's one that I often struggle with (as if you couldn't 
There have been moments in my life where I wasn't fully committed to a task, spiritually or physically. It's been times where I have felt the Lord leading me to do certain things, and because of how I felt at the moment, I would either start the task and not fully commit to seeing it through or I wouldn't start the task at all.  Most times I allowed fear and pride to interfere with what I knew I needed …

What kind of heart is your seed falling on?

So during my devotion time I studied out of the book of Luke chapter 8 verses 9-15.   This  passage gave insight on the seed of God and described the different soil your seed has potential to fall upon.  It defined seed as being the word of God and it broke down and spoke on the four types of hearts (soil) the seed would fall upon.

The first described is the seed that falls on the road, which is when one hears the word, but no sooner then they hear the enemy comes and snatches it from them so they don't believe.  The next one is the seed that falls in the gravel, which happens when one is super enthusiastic about what they heard but the enthusiasm doesn't run very deep. It's only another fad and the moment there is trouble, it's gone.  Then there is the seed that falls on weeds which happens when one hears the word but then the seed is crowded out and nothing comes of it, so people go about their lives worrying about tomorrow, making money, and having fun.  Lastly,  th…

There Is Beauty In The Unveiling

What comes to mind when you think of being unveiled? Unveiled means to remove a veil or covering from or to make public.  Well, as I was removing the make up from my face yesterday after work, God said to me, "There is beauty in the unveiling." I took that to mean that there is beauty in my vulnerability, my imperfections, and those areas in my life that I don't view as so beautiful. The beauty is not necessarily found in the imperfection but in the fact that we need God to continuously perfect and heal us from those not so beautiful areas in our lives. 
So often we as people, especially us ladies, try to present ourselves to the world as well put together, without blemish or imperfection, so much so that we go before God the same way. We even go as far as trying to pray the most eloquent prayer and speak to him as if we are already perfect and have it all together.  I don't know why we think that the Lord wants His people to be perfect. If we were perfect we wouldn…